Expression of mindful relationship!

Before you carry it in your heart, you carry it in your mind.

It was a fun night with my niece. Although we have an age gap of 18 years, we are more than just our blood connection.

I still remember every minute detail of the night she was born.

Despite being in different cities and now other countries, meeting just once a year, nothing has changed between us.

She once said, “Bua (aunty)! I am glad you are married so far off. Your visits are more valued, which is why our relationship got more robust because we both long with the same intensity to meet each other.

Her words made me realise it’s not the physical presence of the person but the emotional involvement that matters.

We sometimes feel the physical presence of the person is what we are looking for, but when that person is available, we start feeling uncomfortable after some time. Until now, we have a fancy idea of our life being complete with that person's presence, but the void doesn’t get filled.

We are all the more confused about our feelings and thoughts. We longed for something, and when we had that, we no more wanted it. We feel in the wrong place in our heads.

It happens not only in our relationships but also in our careers, materialistic things, money goals, and many other areas.

We worked hard and invested a lot of time, but in the end, we felt it was not meant for us.

We start linking our fears, insecurities, family and social pressures, and embarrassment with our decision. We want to reverse it but instead choose our miseries over shame for a few days.

We start questioning our presence in our close relationships and then start the actual loop of our past failures because of some random relationships we were in which backfired. So our own past decisions and actions work as a validation of us being failures in relationships.

We have all kinds of negative self-talk:-

I am not good at handling.

I don’t know how to be good.

My wrong expectations.

It always happens to me.

I am the wrong one.

We want to make our relationship right, be happy, and try our best to stay comfortable in it; we want to make it work, but we keep failing because our hearts and minds are not aligned.

Our mind is giving us logical reasoning why we should stick in that relationship, whereas the heart says quit.

We start behaving agitated, irritated and frustrated all the time. Even a joke can feel offensive, the minor conversation can turn into an argument, and there is hide-and-seek of love, hate, and confusion. You are present physically, but you are absent mentally and emotionally.

You start playing hide and seek!

And, one day, no matter how hard you try or the other person tries, it just doesn’t happen.

Either it breaks you, or you break the relationship. Sometimes, the person is correct, but the name we are trying to give to that relationship is incorrect.

Some relationships are well-maintained from a distance.

Sometimes, it’s the rush of having someone or the fear of loneliness that makes us jump into a relationship - a fear-induced relationship. So every action or expression in that relationship is bound to come out of fear.

But some relationships under the broader category of friends or family give us the best relationships -our soul mates.

And such relationships are not slaves of physical distance. There might not be regular calls or catch-ups, but the internal bond remains the same. Sometimes the space makes us realise the value of a relationship.

Spiritually, “we meet every person for a reason.”

And I strongly believe in that, and we keep meeting similar kinds of people till the time we don’t sit back and ask ourselves what lesson we need to learn. What is that life wants me to know from my wrong or destructive relationships?

If you look back into your past, you will realise there is some pattern you have been following while looking for relationships giving you the similar result of being incomplete.

The moment you stepped out of your comfort zone and asked yourself the right question about why you want and what you want from this relationship, your result changed.

Your pains, suffering, and struggles do not downpour the way they used to. By asking the right question, finding the right reasons, and attaching the right emotions, you build an ability to bounce back from every failed relationship.

No matter how the relationship is, how you carry it in your mind matters what life wants!