Slide into utopia...

It was gently trying to explore something for me.

Had a good busy day while working on my upcoming project on love relationships. I am designing holistic programs for individuals to master their emotions and their presence in love.

Yesterday I was preparing a PPT and I was so lost that I forgot to even have my dinner. And I would say that’s called flow.

I recently realized I love working on 2 things - designing creatives on canva and something you will come to know as the night will retract its spell.

I have made some hard decisions in my life. Decisions that have thrown me away from my comfort. Because my comforts were not growing me as an individual. I chose a life of discomforts to experience the flow of love toward my work. I wanted a life where I get up every single day to work, and not look for a break from what I love. Taking a break should be optional and not a necessity for me.

Everything comes with its price tag! I am also paying the price for what I want to create and I know I’ll be paid back with time. Every moment will be worth the price I have paid in the journey of self-creation.

Coming back to my wrapping up the day. I made my bed and looked outside the balcony door it was all dark outside and I could hardly see anything because of the fog. I was tired and wanted to sleep but as I snugged into my quilt, I lost my sleep.

I kept changing sides, adjusting my pillows, and playing meditative music but nothing seemed to work.

Was I thinking something? Was there something going on in the back of my mind which was not letting me sleep?

I tried to bring my awareness to my thoughts.

No, I wasn’t thinking of anything that should disturb my sleep.

And why does every time there has to be a disturbing reason behind disturbed sleep?

I kept looking at the darkness. I felt as if I was covered with an enormous blanket of darkness. Slowly and steadily I was getting engulfed in my dark emotions.

But immediately I brought myself back and started focusing on my breath and practiced ‘YOG NIDRA’.

But, the night was directing me to something else. It was gently trying to explore something for me.

One act of sleep after the other…

I felt as if I am playing hide and seek with the night.

Am I awake or Am I sleeping…It was night’s turn to guess.

The night became the seeker and I became the hider.

Darkness along with my thoughts, tiredness, and anxiety surreptitiously joined the night. I tried my best to stay on my side of the line but the night caught me and I could not reach the baseline and it was time for me to become the seeker.

I became the seeker who wanted to find the answer to having a sleepless night

I had tucked myself into bed around 10:45 pm. And now I was bored of playing the game too, I searched for the phone under the pillow and checked the time and it was around 1 pm.

Oh Gosh! What do I do next? It was to some social media scrolling, nothing seemed to put me off to sleep tonight.

And as I was scrolling through my phone, I landed in my photo gallery and one picture from my recent trip caught my attention.

I looked at it and smiled within.

And I realized what it was time for…it was time to hold the hand of my lover and slide into utopia.

Utopia of writing!!!

Finally, the night connected me to paradise!

I can write through the night as I look at the sky through the glass ceiling of my life.

All seem upside down as I experience a sleepless night.

Water and sky, stars and lights, all look blurry to my tired eyes.

Illusionary night of figuring out what is real and what is not mine...

I can see you upside down as I experience a sleepless night.