What if?
If I get married, I want to be very married!
Engaged at the age of 13, married at 14, and mother even before she turned 16. Story of my parlor lady as she shared with me today. She is soft-spoken, honest with her work, and follows all the company’s guidelines.
As she was doing her service, we had a candid chat about her married life. From finishing off all the daily household chores to stepping out of the house for earning money without expectations from the man of the house to extend help, she is one of those million women in our country.
Speaking her heart out, she said, “Madam, I want everyone to leave the house, even my husband.” I was not surprised to hear the answer. She further added with pain in her voice, “Apne liye kab Jeena, Madam (When will I live for myself) ?”. I had no answer. She continued with frowned eyes and a dejected voice, “din bahar kaam Karna, Kahin Jaana toh permission Lena. Bas Shanti chahiye madam, bas Shanti (I work the whole day, still if I wish to go out I need to take everyone’s permission. All I want is peace, just peace)
I could sense her pain and need for a few minutes in her every day for herself. But I had no words to console. I kept nodding my head feeling the ache in her heart and she kept her smile intact while trying to hide her agony.
Accept whatever happens in your marriage life. Do Not raise your voice against anyone, or else your life will be miserable alone. Our husbands aren’t expected to clean up our messes like we are expected to clean up theirs. The rivalry between the women is common in joint family households. The dynamics of relationships completely change post-marriage.
What if the marriage doesn’t work out? What if love is lost with time? These what-ifs are particularly worrisome for Indian girls but we are raised in a way where we take extra responsibilities and fulfill hundreds of expectations by giving up our aspirations to be the ideal daughter, wife, daughter-in-law, and mother.
The question is, ‘What if love is lost with time? What if respectfully one partner wants to step out of the relationship? What if one is not satisfied with the relationship? What if one partner wants to take a break?
WHAT IF???
I don't want to be married just to be married. I can't think of anything lonelier than spending the rest of my life with someone I can't talk to, or worse, someone I can't be silent with.”
― Mary Ann Shaffer, The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society
